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The Tragedy of Divorce
“The Tragedy of Divorce”
(Download the ebook, The Church: Divorce & Remarriage, http://billhaynesministries.com/online_store.php).
It is not uncommon to hear the words, “I just can’t believe it” or “I would have never believed it would have happened to us.” On the nightly news people often make these statements after they have suffered great loss due to fires, floods, tornadoes, terrorist attacks, and etc.
On May 3rd, 1999 thousands of people were making these statements after a violent F5 tornado traveled from Chickasha to heavily populated areas of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma. This tornado was only one of a 61-tornado outbreak from Oklahoma to Kansas. This single tornado however killed 42 people with several hundred more injured. It caused more than a billion dollars in damages. The news stations brought us hundred of pictures of the devastation. However, like 911, even these pictures could not begin to show the real magnitude of the tragedy.
After a few months went by, I drove down I-35 through Oklahoma City. There was a path of destruction so wide and as far as the eye could see. It looked like some kind of war had occurred. Lives were changed in an instant forever. Even after much of the clean up had been done, homeowners found on the inside of their walls was the hidden and dangerous health threat of mold.
A number of years have now past and Oklahoma City is mostly normal again. Most of the homes are rebuilt and things look amazingly better. However, there are still a few lingering signs left behind from the tornado.
Divorce is very similar to any natural disaster. It has a devastating and horrifying effect on everyone around. Many say it is worse than the death of a mate. Others say it is a living death that never seems to end especially when there are children involved. Some have said that divorce is like being cut in half. However, this is not true. It is like being torn in half with gaping bleeding holes that fester for perhaps years. A former pastor told me that giant burley men would come to his office for counseling crying like babies. This former pastor gave them all the sympathy he had as they proclaimed their wives were cheating on them with other men and that their wives had filed for divorce. Now they were faced with not only the ruin of their marriage but their family and probable bankruptcy. There are the months of sleepless nights and buckets of tears to be shed and endless adjustments. There can be great loss or gain of weight. When this former pastor found out that his wife also had been unfaithful and demanded a divorce, he realized that divorce was a thousand times worse than his worst nightmare. He is far more empathetic now that he understands experientially this level of pain and betrayal with all its grief, rejection, hurt, anger, depression, and loneliness.
Like the hidden mold in the walls of some of the homes that had been repaired on the outside after the Oklahoma City tornado, most people will carry hidden scares, internal fears and infirmities that can hinder their future relationships. There is hope and healing for the future. It needs to be provided by pastors and churches. All true healing comes from the Lord. Point them to the Great Healer Jesus Christ. He is the High Priest that has been touched with the feeling of our infirmities according to Hebrews 4:15,16 – “For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feeling of our infirmities; but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. 16Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” The Lord is near those of a broken heart. Psalm 34:15-19 reads, “The eyes of the LORD are upon the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. 16The face of the LORD is against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth. 17The righteous cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. 18The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. 19Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.”
In Proverbs 18:14 the writer records, “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?” If your spirit is wounded and you are trying to carry the overwhelming load of the infirmity called divorce, there is hope in Christ. You’re not alone. There are thousands of wonderful Christian people who have been victimized by divorce. Some are people setting next to you in the church pew. Some sing in the choir or teach a class. Reach out to Christ and He will send healed helpers your way. Get into a Bible-believing church and stay faithful. You are not a second class Christian or church member.
The tragedy of divorce is not only affecting the people in the pew but it greatly affects the pulpit ministry and yes the parsonage too. Satan wants to destroy everything that God has instituted. God instituted only two things: the covenant of marriage, and the Church. Satan wants to destroy every living soul, every marriage and family and every church. This is only one reason Satan is called, The Destroyer. I notice everyday in counseling how blind people are to the spiritual warfare that goes on inside every mind, marriage, and church. We must follow 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 to overcome the strong holds, wicked imaginations and thoughts that Satan tries to entrap us in each day. We must discover the spiritual weapons become skillful with them and depend on God’s mighty power to gain the victory in each situation. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5 states, For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: 4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) 5 Casting down imaginations , and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. Pastors and church leaders are constantly trying to give Godly counsel to couples on the verge of divorce. If the pastor is successful the people will probably start attending somewhere else for fear that the pastor will preach about them or break confidence. If the pastor is not able to persuade the couple from their persistence toward divorce the church and perhaps extended family members of the couple in the church will perceive the pastor as a failure. Marriage counseling is a great liability but it is part of the job. Be willing to refer to a biblical Christian counselor if it’s a no win situation.
When a divorce occurs in a church it divides the congregation and causes quite a stir. Old friends whose children have intermarried are now at odds in the church. The church is in perilous times due to divorce within the congregation. The pastor has to be very careful how he deals with these situations or he will become a casualty.
The pulpit ministry in most churches is geared to married couples and both biological parent families. However, nearly half the adult population is single and most families are trying to blend children and lives. The church usually provides very little help to singles or blended families. These subjects provide great opportunities to build churches and minister to all the people.
Divorce is also becoming as common in the parsonage today as it has become more prevalent in the pew. When a minister is forced into divorce his ministry is destroyed along with his family. There needs to be a rediscovery of what the Bible really says about divorce and remarriage even among ministers rather than the Catholic traditional teaching too many protestant churches have passed on to their people. Churches have been guilty of helping Satan destroy too many innocent victims of divorce, ministers and parishioners. We have truly been guilty of shooting our wounded. It was even more merciful under the law. Under the law an adulterer was stoned and the victim was free to remarry with no shame. However, under grace there should be more help for the hurting victims of divorce. There are biblical grounds for divorce, as you will see in later chapters. The church must reform its position on these issues or become irrelevant in a hurting society. Check our Online Bookstore, "The Church: Divorce & Remarriage." http://billhaynesministries.com/online_store.php What are your comments?
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